Diamond in the Rough
by EE's Skysong
Summary: V contemplates what's to be done with Evey after she attempts to betray him to Lilliman. 'And, the more I think about it, the more I realize how much of a mistake it would be to kill her. Yes, she betrayed me, but ultimately, she is perfect.'


Disclaimer: "You could have ruled the whole world If you'd had the time"

(An: The more I listen to the album _Showbiz_ by Muse, the more I realize how much it sounds like V. The inspiration for this was the songs "Uno" and "Falling Down" from that CD. You can listen to both on their website (muse . mu), and I suggest you do- they both fit the tone.)

I considered killing her at first. There was a part of me that was absolutely shocked at this- over the few months we'd spent together I'd become… fond… of Evey- and part of me that was shocked that I could _be_ shocked at killing anyone. Assassinations were routine, especially when it came to people who had wronged me or simply knew too much about me.

Evey had both qualifications. Therefore, she was doubly damned. And there were a thousand other reasons as well: she was a liability- one of very few, and the only one I had not dealt with because of (ugh) _sentiment_- she knew too much about me (and all of those who were in her boat are slowly being picked off anyway, so I might as well do her in, just to keep things tidy- I hate loose ends), and she could not be trusted to keep her mouth shut under pressure. Perhaps asking her to distract a philandering priest (in that outfit, no less) was a bit much for her first assignment… but it was honestly the first time I thought she might be of use. She was too much of a coward to be trusted with anything else, and hadn't she just proved me right? Immediately she betrayed me so she could regain her silly, safe, meaningless life.

I realized, though, after a while, that I only thought of doing so because I was angry. (And I was angry that she could make me angry, and on and on in a dreadful circle of emotion and other things I thought I'd left behind in the ashes of my old existence…) Evey was an innocent, and although she was curious and endearing and could be damnably amazing when she stopped pretending, she was still just a civilian. She had not committed her entire life to my cause; she did not realize how much she had put in jeopardy just by running away. She was scared- hadn't she said that herself?- and simply longed for the familiar. I mentioned that to the general populace in my speech, but I had never considered that Evey's desire for simplicity would drive her to turn against me.

It took me a while to calm down enough to think rationally and remember all of that. At first, I tried to distract myself because thinking of her would only make my hands tremble and lead to all sorts of namecalling (_Sutler's whore traitorous bitch blind sheep_) that simply would not do. I am a man of reason before all else. Emotions are messy, stupid things, and, as I have said, part of the reason she made me so angry was that she could affect me so.

I am not so far gone that certain things cannot make me angry at the mere thought- St. Mary's, for example, can still lead me to smash things if I allow myself to really consider what it did to parents, friends, _her_- but for the most part, I am removed from strong feeling, just as I am removed from wine and drugs and other things that can affect the clarity of my thoughts.

Twenty years of work is about to come to fruition. I cannot allow myself to slip up now in a haze of misguided hatred (which probably isn't hatred, but I refuse to put a different name to it- that would just lead to more ridiculous feelings and I must be rational now more than ever; the silly girl has already affected me too strongly as it is).

And, the more I think about it, the more I realize how much of a mistake it would be to kill her. Yes, she has betrayed me, yes, she has put a wrench in the works… yes, she has hurt me more than she shall ever learn… but, ultimately, she is perfect. Or, to be more accurate (and accuracy is the most important thing, be it in facts, throwing a knife, or setting a charge), she could be. Evey, to me, smacks of potential. Her family was taken from her by the government- her parents were anarchists, for goodness' sake- and she was tortured by them. She is a fuse, simply requiring the right spark. I am an expert, and I was the first one to see that potential in her; I should be the one with the match. It is my right- my duty.

In books, the jaded hero usually wishes to protect the heroine's innocence, not file it away to reveal the stone underneath. But I am no hero… although I certainly do not want her to become as hopeless and cynical as I am. She will need a little of that innocence, to believe that the world I will create for her can be shaped into one better than its precedent (although I can't imagine what world could be worse).

I just need to shape her- to cut away the flaws. A diamond in the rough is sometimes beautiful in the right light, but only the strike of the chisel can reveal how gorgeous it can truly be.

The only question, though… can I bring myself to do so? Can I hammer away at her until she breaks and has the epiphany, until she realizes that life is meaningless unless you leave something behind and death even more so unless you die for a cause? To bring her to that point, I would have to treat her as I have once been treated… I would have to torture her.

There are ways, of course, that I can detach myself from it, forget that I am me and she is _Evey_- I must, because every time I think of it now I cannot breathe with the force of the whatever-it-is that I feel when I consider her. I make myself remember that I will be doing it for her good- for the good of the world; my new world will need a leader, and they will listen to her as they listened to me… but that does not help the pain in my chest.

The really terrible thing about that option (which is not really an option anymore, it is the only way): there is an exit. I could give in to that feeling (…_love_?) and just leave her be. The world can find a way to guide itself- it does not need her specifically. And am I not supposed to love anarchy? It needs no leader at all- just a spark in the darkness, which I shall provide, and then they can find their own path. Evey can go on as she has. I can pretend that I never met her... I could never forget her, though. Not someone who makes me- who makes me think about ending this altogether. I could give in. I could try to find whatever is left of myself. With her to guide me, I'm sure I could.

…No. No. That is foolishness. I've been at this too long. I am no man. I am an idea embodied, and when I die, my message will last. …Fifteen, perhaps even ten years ago… but not now. There is nothing I can do now. My path is inexorable. There is no turning back from this point.

…It's not like she'd want to guide me in the first place…

But I can guide _her_. I can call out the true Evey- the woman I love, not the girl-mask she hides behind. I will hate myself every day, every hour, every _moment _that I do it, but in the end, she will be strong. She will be my protégé, my successor. I have no illusions about the Fifth- I will die, and when I do, she will take my place. If nothing else, she will make certain that the world does not return to the way it is now. And she will hate me. She will probably be the only person in the world who hates me more than I do, and that is because she knows me and trusts me (more or less).

But when it is over, it will not matter. Even in her hate, she will be the most beautiful thing in the world… I must ignore the traitorous little voice that says she already is.

(…My God, why can't I ever stick to the point in these fics? Ah, well. Review!)


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